Being Aware of Fear, not Controlled by It.

I thought to share this journal entry with you all from the past 36 hours for some inspiration of thought. I went in to have an enhancement done on my eyes, a LASIK procedure, which I once had about 10 years ago. I was excited for the opportunity to resharpen my vision and at the same time, freaked out because I remembered that part of the surgical process where one’s vision goes dark with one’s eyes still wide open.

As I eat my oats (trying to get my supplements down that I took before my workout – that felt like they were sitting in my esophagus for the entire session ..), I am super thankful for the opportunity to care for myself this morning and get an enhancement on my LASIK from 10 years ago. When I really sit down to think about it in a light like this, I see such contrast in how I live today and make decisions compared to how I was raised. And I am very pleased with that, and very grateful. It’s taken intentional effort to reprogram how I think and do things.

All went well! To be expected. It’s still a freaky procedure!

Something that is coming to mind with this decision and follow-through is fear. I want to add to that, ‘risk tolerance,’ but for now, I’ll just say, ‘fear.’

Maybe it’s just perspective but I don’t recall if I was terribly anxious for the first LASIK procedure in 2016. But the awareness of the anxiety seemed like it may likely have been greater today .. I had all kinds of thoughts leading up to today about the possibility of losing my eyesight. (I learned this afternoon, after the procedure, that where they are working on the eye, it would not cause full blindness anyway, so there’s that). (So, unfounded fear. Yet, a good bit real to me).

The thought on fear is this: am I allowing it to limit me? I didn’t in this case, I did not allow it to hold me back from getting this procedure done, but I could have. Am I allowing fear to limit me in other areas? I see the possibility of it. And in considering fear, is it a function of protection in feeling I have more to lose perhaps than I did when I was younger? It seems to be something that can hold people back moreso as they get older.

I think as it has come into my awareness, I want to keep it in my awareness, so as to not allow it to hold me back, but also to not wrecklessly go against it just for the sake of going against it.

Moreso, to observe it. It may not be one of the most pleasurable human experiences, but it is certainly a human experience that makes me feel very alive.

I am grateful.

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How about you? Where are you on the fear/risk tolerance scale? Have you shifted stance on it in the past 10 years? If so, how so?

Finally, is your fear/risk tolerance where you ultimately want it to be, or is it perhaps holding you back from some things you’ve been considering?